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Pages: Marriage Problems - I need help [1]
Author Topic: Marriage Problems - I need help
dunker

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Posts: 3

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2011-01-30 8-28-36-

Marriage Problems - I need help I'm 23 and I've been married 7 months almost 8, and we've been having some issues lately. I don't know what's happening, we used to be so different around eachother. I'm 4 months pregnant and we are in a tight financial situation. I'm working and he is not, so he decided to find a job out east for a few months (Connecticut), then come back in July before the baby's born. Well problems started around the time we found out I was pregnant, it was unplanned and I struggled with deciding how to handle it. Honestly I realized that our relationship was getting rocky and asked him if he expected it to last. I would like to raise my in a 2 parent home, if not I wanted to consider adoption. He convinced me to go ahead with planning for the baby, and that everything would work itself out. Well, then I find out that 3 weeks ago, he posted some personal ad's in the area of connecticut he is going to be living. This ad stated that he was "single" and that he was looking for someone to "hang out" with. I struggled with it for days and we argued, and he gave me the reason that he thought I was going to end it so this was his backup. Since then, he gave me his emails, 40006 and all the passwords to check his accounts. But I don't feel right still. He says he wants to work things out but the fact that he could even do that, really gets under my skin. I want to trust him, but I don't know how. Any men have some insight into my situation? I just don't want to end up alone, holding the bag if it seems like this relationship is heading south.
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biddle

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Posts: 5

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2011-01-31 9-49-20-

You are full of shit... 23 is not too young to get married. 8 months is not that long for the honeymoon to be over with if they are in love. The guy should not have moved away to look for work. Surely he could find some type of work where they live, may not be what he wants but beggars can't be chosey. Him giving her hos passwords and everyrhing is also a crock, cause he can just create more. Looks like to me he just wants to play around while he is out of town.
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wrather

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2011-02-01 21-00-40

Really? "23 is not too young to get married. 8 months is not that long for the honeymoon to be over with if they are in love." OK - Why is the OP writing this then? Obviously the honeymoon IS over or her hubby wouldn't be out looking for someone else. Obviously the hubby was not done playing and WAS too young to get married. As far as him not moving for work, often there isn't a choice. If these are going to make it, they need to decide to be adults and really commit to making it work.
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barretto

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2011-02-02 22-50-36

23 is too young to get married.
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schmittou

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Posts: 6

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2011-02-03 2-58-41-

apparently it is too young for THIS couple.
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taussig

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2011-02-06 0-46-38-

you are yong, and very vunerable, but if hubby is looking for action on the side, I would be very clear that if he continues to look, that he will be paying support for the next 21 years. Keep this moron on a very short leash, or send him packing.
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  • hedtke

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    2011-03-07 2-09-06-

    You can only truly control yourself. I think he may be running away from his responsibilities. Maturity begins to grow when you can sense your concern for others outweighing your concern for yourself. The new baby may be more than he can emotionally support right now. I can’t tell you, in time, this will change for the good or the bad- -he will either step up to his responsibilities or not. My only concern is for your baby and that you don’t see it as the reason if all this turmoil. Your husbands immaturity was always there just never put to the test, so no is to blame but him. If you yourself feel you’re not ready for this ..PLEASE-PLEASE see a good adoption agency and don’t let this innocent be sacrificed on the altar of ignorance and selfishness.
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    wahlert

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    2011-04-03 12-54-20

    doesn't sound good... I don't think you're too young for marriage or babies, however, it sounds to me like the marriage is seriously crippled in less than year. That really stacks the odds against ya. You might weather the storm, but I doubt it. He could easily find he has seriously underestimated his attachment to you, or he could leave you in the dust cause the money situation isn't gonna get better with him gone, only worse, and he may be overwhelmed with the notion of having a baby. Who knows? It ain't over till the fat lady sings. To be realistic, you're in trouble.
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    whey

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    2011-07-10 21-01-51

    rocky doesn't always create doubts so you have to figure out where that's coming from, for yourself and him. getting married changes the relationship. It stamps a big "permanent" sign on everything. I felt it the first week even though we'd been living together before marriage. All this stuff bubbled up for us to talk about and work through. You think you know someone so well, but it was funny how many blanks there were when you stretch it out "til death"! We didn't have anything that felt "rocky" then and no kid on the way. That's big. You both need to recommit and team up for strength, if either of you can't, it won't work out.
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    choma

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    2011-12-27 4-59-08-

    Sounds like he is running away
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    delima

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    2012-02-03 18-06-17

    You haven't mentioned your parents or his. Do they exist?
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    powderly

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    Posts: 63

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    2012-11-13 22-38-34

    If he goes, get ready to be single. What part of "married" doesn't he get? If he must go to Conn. to get a job, then you should go with him. You're married. If you can't leave your job, then he should find a job where you live now. You're married. Distance does NOT always make the heart grow fonder.... in this case, distance will likely make him forget his problems with you and the baby, and he will move on. He WILL. If I were you, I'd be concerned about how his leaving, even for just a few months, will affect his ability to bond with the baby and commit to helping you through labor, delivery, and raising of this . He NEEDS TO BE THERE with you through all the stages of pregnancy, doctor visits, sonogram pictures, birthing classes, all of it. Like the others, I think he's just using this as an excuse to run away from his responsibilities. Once away, he can cut the ties much easier. Either (a) go with him, (b) convince him to find a job near home, or (c) find yourself a good divorce attorney - you will need
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  • melka

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    2012-12-21 0-46-51-

    He needs to stay with you so youcan work on the marriage. Nothing will improve if he's in another state, especially since you don't trust him. The first baby isof the biggest stresses a marriage goes through. You need to be together. Find someone at your church/temple/synagogue that youcan talk to. If you're in financial crisis either move together or contact family to see if you can stay with them for a while. Definitely do not separate or you will wind up a divorced mom with a visitor for your baby instead of a daddy.
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  • Joellen

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    2013-05-10 5-58-19-

    Oops. This is a troll--cross posted everywhere.
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  • ifill

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    2013-11-28 7-44-59-

    wrong. posted in x forums, all relevant. I'm surprised she didn't cross-post to Divorce forum as well!
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    Raul

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    2014-03-11 21-42-56

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  • romey

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    2014-04-21 6-07-50-

    Got it. Slim pickin's this week. How am I to deal with the boredom on days like this? Harumph. I guess I'll have to work.
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  • schiesser

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    2015-07-13 17-36-55

    arrange for adoption ASAP. your husband already has a foot and a half out the door and you'll never be able to trust him. if you're not ready to raise it by yourself, find a less couple that will raise and love and be more than ready for your baby. (and in many states, it can be an open adoption if you want to be able to visit sometimes.)
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