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Pages: gf jealousy [1]
Author Topic: Gf jealousy
saddler

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2011-01-30 8-43-36-

gf jealousy I'm a fairly social person, and I need to maintain friendships outside of my relationship. I have a really good rapport with an old friend who came back into my life, and my gf is really upset by our friendship. She says she's afraid this friend will steal me from her, or I'll cheat on her. I've assurred her that I'm not attracted to this friend, and I'm not an asshole, but also having her consistently worry about this is really hurtful. I'm not a cheater, never have been, and this friend in no way will usurp my gf. Thing is, my gf is still consistently feeling threatened by this friend. THAT will threaten our relationship, because there's only so many times you can hear someone you love say they're worried you're going to cheat on them. What would you do? Cut out the friend? I don't think cutting this friend out would be the solution either, because I do like her, and while I do not want to be her girlfriend, I do want to have her in my life. I'm worried that I'm just going to end up resenting my gf if I cut this friend out just to please her.
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pulis

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2011-02-01 14-00-42

therapy OMG, that felt good.
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  • dowe

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    Posts: 15

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    2011-02-01 17-57-31

    Have you given your girlfriend a reason to doubt you in the past? Do you socialize as a couple with the friend, or just on-one?
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    hank

    Sexy
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    2011-02-01 22-22-34

    if you keep the friend you need to socialize as a couple. And yes a little counseling with your gal is needed. somehow she is feeling left out.
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    illes

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    2011-02-02 9-16-41-

    you should have the opportunity to do and live things that are "yours". I disagree anyone feeling unloved and saying so is on their road to abusiveness. This conveniently absolves the speaker of any participation and responsibility in the relationship. Relationships are complicated. People are complicated. Communication is hard. To jump off to "run away shes abusive" is a stretch. There isn't enough information here to know that to be true OR untrue. Seek counseling or break up.
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    nienow

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    2011-02-02 18-55-54

    I have not given her any reason to worry. We socialize mainly as a couple, and I had dinner with this friend once, without my gf. Then she said she wanted to be included, and she was at our next meeting, and she was even more upset afterwards, although she couldn't give me a specific "this is why I'm upset".
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  • thiem

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    2011-02-02 22-35-02

    Hmm... I'm thinking AxTx has a good point Is this a pattern with your girlfriend?
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    Co-Op

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    2011-02-04 0-23-04-

    if this is a pattern, new perspective needs to have a counseling session with gf and get to the bottom of issue.
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  • haning

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    2011-02-06 12-42-42

    your gf may not be getting the message you love and care for her. OR, has there been a prior indiscretion? If she felt secure then she wouldn't be worried. Either way, yea, if you guys can't talk and work through it, therapy.
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    Carlos

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    2011-03-17 12-01-58

    i love her I tell her this all the time. We make special time for each other on a regular basis. We regularly sit down together and talk about things that might be bothering us, and how we can make things better. If she felt secure then she wouldn't be worried - well how can I help her to feel more secure? And why does she feel so insecure when I've done nothing wrong?
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  • strassman

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    2011-07-23 12-34-14

    oh good lord. you can help her feel more secure by not having any friends and not looking at anyone else and never leaving the house. now DO IT.
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    Marje

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    2012-01-03 2-20-27-

    Awesome! maybe I should get a cell phone and a beeper so she can constantly check up on me.
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    Paule

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    2012-04-13 9-52-28-

    you joke but give it x months & it won't be so funny
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  • elton

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    2013-01-31 21-22-28

    how true,
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  • stallworth

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    2013-12-08 5-26-26-

    we can't know the answer to this there is no way for us to know. If you love her and want to help sort it out, go with her to an independent couples counselor (not 'her' therapist).
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    pettitt

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    2014-01-07 0-12-24-

    if you do go to therapy about this, make sure you go to an independent one, not "yours" or "hers". From whay you've told us is sounds like you really do need some outside help with this issue.
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    Ralina

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    2014-02-14 22-02-09

    thank you, i think i'm ready to admit it now. i hate going to therapy! :( /whine
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    Sonnie

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    2014-03-06 12-24-33

    Forgiving replies I have a mixture of respect and bafflement at how forgiving the other replies to you have been. I had a jealous girlfriend once. She didn't want me to see any of my friends, would get hysterical if I ever did. I dumped her. It was her way of being a manipulative, controlling bitch. I'm sure she would have been thrilled if she could have just locked me up in a room away from the entire world. "Interestingly," this is a pattern that often precedes abuse. Life is just way too short.
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    doxy

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    2014-07-19 11-51-05

    I agree with this. the g/f is being an insecure, controlling a-hole, bless her heart. I am distracted and not able to be my usual hardass self this morning. Please forgive.
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  • moxon

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    2014-09-19 20-22-59

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  • kocsis

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    2015-09-03 12-10-11

    this is why I don't want to start cutting people out of my life. I know that's a bad, dangerous road to go down. Besides, I need a certain amount of alone time, and some socializing with other people time to feel happy. I've explained this to her. Part of me is really pissed about this because I would never dream of telling her "your friend makes me feel uncomfortable!" because that would be MY problem, and I'd be motivated to get over it or deal with it because I love her. I just don't know how to approach this conversation without it ending in a giant fight. She says "that's just the way I feel!" Well, what am I supposed to do with that? And I hate fighting.
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