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Pages: Break-Up Question [1]
Author Topic: Break-Up Question
humke

Sr. Member
Posts: 2

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2011-01-30 16-16-57

Break-Up Question I have a question. I've asked my close friends but I feel like they're responding with what they think I want to hear. So here it is: I dated a beautiful, successful, older woman (13 years older) for 3 years. I loved and adored her to pieces. I swore we'd spend the rest of our lives together, partly because she told me she wanted to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me. I felt the same way. We shared a deep connection. Well, life happens, and we broke up. It's been 5 months now and I still don't ever want to speak to her again. She broke my heart into a thousand pieces. But of course she wants to be friends and sends me e-mails requesting updates in my life. It breaks my heart everytime I hear from her and just brings up all the emotions and memories I'm trying to get past. Is it wrong of me to ask her to stop contacting me? I've told her I don't want to speak, but she still does.
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murdick

Full Member
Posts: 1

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2011-01-31 18-20-04

no, it's not wrong block her email if you have to - it seems that she's already not respecting your request for no contact.
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birdsall

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Posts: 2

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2011-02-01 0-27-52-

if it were me which it is not, I would write to her and tell her "It breaks my heart everytime I hear from you and just brings up all the emotions and memories I'm trying to get past." I tend to just say it like it is though. More often people choose to hide their emotions and feign stoic. She isn't going to get what you need unless you state it plainly. Have you? Clearly you both really care about each other.
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Eleanora

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Posts: 17

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2011-02-01 20-51-34

I've told her more than once I've told her more than once. I've said it nicely and respectfully. And I've said rudely. She sort of makes me feel bad that I don't want to be friends with her. Like I'm being immature. She is friends with all of her ex's. If I ignore her emails, s, texts, she'll get mad and say I'm being rude.
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killmon

Sr. Member
Posts: 16

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2011-02-02 15-21-34

ah, well then I'd agree with the others. Tell her a final time that you need space, and if she can't give you that then you may never be able to be friends. If she continues, then stop answering or block her. You deserve time to heal.
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lyerla

User
Posts: 10

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2011-02-03 6-53-47-

who gives a fuck if she gets mad? don't let her live inside your head, making you feel bad. take action for yourself. if you don't want contact, don't have contact.
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spivak

Sr. Member
Posts: 9

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2011-02-04 12-49-49

You guys are right You're all right. I need to just tell her and then not give in when she contacts me again. I still love her deeply and wish we'd still get back together but I know deep inside it won't happen. I have to put my foot down.
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philson

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Posts: 3

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2011-02-04 15-35-56

don't tell her just disengage.
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brinks

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Posts: 6

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2011-03-03 0-54-30-

Taking care of yourself is a sign of maturity, not immaturity. You are not acting immaturely by cutting off ties to an ex, you are simply doing what you need to do to heel and move on. That's a good, healthy thing to do.
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  • rotter

    Member
    Posts: 15

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    2011-06-30 2-26-00-

    not wrong maybe suggest to her, that if you feel up to it, you'll contact her and to stop contacting you...this way if she does contact again, just delete email.. hotbuttonissue is right, she's not respecting your space.
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  • koelling

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    Posts: 39

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    2011-12-09 6-43-02-

    Suggested once I've suggested once that we shouldn't speak and that I'd contact her when I'm ready to talk and she seemed to accept and understand that. But then there was an earthquake (I lived in California up until a few months ago) and she sent me a text message asking if I was ok and that started her up again sending me emails.
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  • jankiewicz

    Newbie
    Posts: 17

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    2012-08-26 14-49-28

    does she have reason to feel guilty? over the breakup? Sounds like shes trying to befriend you to help herself feel better?
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    janna

    Hero Member
    Posts: 28

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    2012-11-10 10-38-12

    don't you think the OP has spent enough time trying to fathom the whys and wherefores of her ex's bad behavior? that's the beauty of being broken up - you get to stop twisting yourself up in knots trying to figure out why someone is mistreating you!
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    letson

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    Posts: 16

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    2013-04-15 4-26-18-

    dude Im just trying to understand the situation by getting more information. It's easy to jump to conclusions based on our own experiences. Hows that scarf coming along?
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    denz

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    Posts: 41

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    2014-02-10 23-01-22

    i didn't mean to sound as if i was picking on you, but it was already clear to me that the ex was disrespecting boundaries, after repeated attempts by the OP to set them. she's clearly already tying herself up in knots over it (sorry OSW, but you are), and isn't (i think) going to find any relief in trying to figure out what her ex's problem is. and she didn't mention any or real estate, so i advocate a scorched-earth policy. in my experience, if they don't stop contacting you when you ask nicely, they don't stop until you just totally disengage.
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    stelmack

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    2015-06-14 5-05-58-

    p.s. the pain pills have finally kicked in :)
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  • moja

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    Posts: 60

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    2015-10-18 20-40-37

    She has a lot to feel guilty about... .... I guess. From my point of view anyway. I think she knows she led me on. She even admitted to not thinking she'd fall in love with me and our relationship would last so long.
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