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Pages: Afraid of getting hurt should i Just end it now? [1]
Author Topic: Afraid of getting hurt should i Just end it now?
marcoux

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2011-01-30 14-54-46

Afraid of getting hurt should i Just end it now? I've been dating a woman for about 5 months and we recently decided that we are both off the market so to speak. We've both been taking things slow cause she was in a relationship not too long ago but I can tell she has really strong feelings for me. I havent felt this way about someone in a long time and feel my walls coming down, but im afraid of getting burned. she has a lot of uncertainty about her future but nevertheless things are going well between us and she keeps telling me how shes always thinking of me. for several months I felt calm an cool and handled things with her perfectly, but now that we are getting closer my old paranoias about infidelity are starting to surface. I really dont want to put myself thru this kind of torture again so am wondering if i should just end the relationship now and save myself the torture of ultimately getting my world crushed.
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mcleary

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2011-02-01 14-58-25

Projecting other's behaviors on to your SO isn't healthy. Perhaps you want to focus on yourself until the upside of a relationship outweighs the risks of something bad happening.
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  • bobak

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    2011-02-01 20-24-19

    There can be no reward without risk. I'd suggest you work on your fears and insecurities instead of bailing on a good thing.
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    bunt

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    2011-02-02 8-53-19-

    all emotional good things require risk. are you seriously saying you're going to pointlessly devastate and run away from someone who apparently adores you, who you're smitten with, just to avoid the *possibility* she will cheat on you later? yeesh!
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    shurr

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    2011-02-02 16-38-27

    ugh, well i just got the fear this evening that shes on a date with someone else. We spoke yesterday and didnt make definitive plans for today, but we always see each other once during the week and I have been out of town for a few days. she had a school project to finish also, but for the hell of it i ed her up earlier. she didnt answer and then texted saying she was grabbing some food and would in a bit- that was 2 hrs ago. normally she jumps at the chance to see me so this has me worried that she is out with someone else and started to trigger all these old emotions that i thought were extinct. in 5 months this is the 1st time i felt this way so it just gave me cold feet i guess.
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    hank

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    2011-02-03 14-29-54

    Although allaying your fears is your job not mine, you know how time seems to move at different paces depending on the situation. Waiting for someone to -- time creeps -- busy with something for work -- time flies. Chill dood. She's busy not boning.
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    Sudesh

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    2011-02-04 15-10-22

    lol, maybe shes not boning but what if she is out with another guy who wants to bone her?
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    teitelbaum

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    2011-02-06 7-55-14-

    Man you are like fears gone wild If this woman is a keeper then do your best not to let some irrational fear from yesterday screw it up. If you can't then being this insecure about something that may never, ever happen is bound to ruin a good thing. Good luck.
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    finzel

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    2011-02-22 6-34-40-

    Doesn't matter a hang whether anyone else wants to bone her. What matters is, does she want to bone him? Judging from what you said here about her being quite crazy about you and the relationship being only months old, the chances are radiy against it.
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    chun

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    2011-03-23 17-53-44

    I always find this notion humorous My ex always insisted that every guy friend I have wanted to bone me(false accusation) and it made him insecure. There is always going to be someone out there that is attracted to your mate, the only way to prevent that is by locking them in a fucking closet and that's just obsurd! Attraction doesn't matter, loyality is what matters
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    vanwhy

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    2011-04-10 7-29-46-

    Try telling her: I have issues with trust, big ones. These are my issues, not yours. It is not my intent to make them yours. Please let me know when I am being too clingy, too irrational and/or too possessive. You can elaborate on why they exist, or not. Remember those words when you are wondering why she has not immediately returned your . Not too many people live by the phone - the ones that do are a little scary. You need a little, no A LOT more evidence to think about infidelity. If she does tell you that you are being too anything - listen. Breaking it off over this would fall into the irrational category.
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  • lepage

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    2011-09-12 16-32-52

    Oh, that makes a lot of sense Cut off your nose to spite your face -- that way, your nose won't hurt. If you don't leave yourself open to love, you'll never receive it.
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    Cory

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    2012-01-12 15-04-11

    what's the point of going through a relationship when you are just a mess of baggage? Most everyone has been cheated on before! Not everyone has these issues afterward. It's just an excuse for being a controlling person. Do you think any healthy person wants to be with someone who can't handle not giving them some space without fearing they are cheating? Are you going to snoop through their phone or ask them x questions or forbid them to talk to male friends etc? How sexy is that? creepy
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    Greg

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    2012-02-06 15-36-59

    Another Perspective I came from a very bad, abusive, dysfunctional family. I had very bad relationships with men that often ended in betrayal (infidelity) on their part. In a nutshell - I had HUGE issues with trust. I kept my then boyfriend, now husband, at arms length. He, however, was not happy with that. So, he sat me down and had a talk with me that went something like this: "I don't know what the future holds and neither do you. I only know I love you and want to share that love with you. But you're shutting me out and eventually, that will kill any hope we have of a future together. I guess we could BOTH get hurt here but we'll never know unless we take that chance. And that's all I'm asking for - a chance." We've been married for x years, together for x. Give it a chance. No knows what will happen if you do. But if you don't, you'll always wonder what might have been if you'd just...taken that chance. And...sounds like you have a good thing going. :)
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  • amenta

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    2012-05-03 18-35-01

    You can choose to live a life ruled by fear or you can choose to live a life ruled by love. Either way you will end up dead. What would you prefer for the time in between?
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    gatch

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    2012-11-10 21-24-30

    beautiful post, LP.
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    belfield

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    2013-01-30 1-41-09-

    Nicely put.
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    clute

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    2013-12-06 15-36-17

    Too aware of death lately. A beautiful young woman in our circle recently succumbed to a terrible disease,that she fought with great heart and courage. She was not afraid to live and to love, fiercely and completely. In contrast, the OP's self-created fears seem so lame.
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    glorioso

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    2014-09-18 5-51-09-

    You must love unreservedly and expect nothing in return. The sea rises, the light fails, lovers cling to each other, and ren cling to us. The moment we cease to hold each other, the moment we break faith withanother, the sea engulfs us and the light goes out. Choose love.
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  • ifill

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    2015-09-02 4-49-34-

    That's fine in theory, LP. But how do you square that with the tough measures needed when your love object proves unworthy or abusive?
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    almasy

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    2015-11-30 9-35-44-

    Simple: you break up with them, move on and keep yourself open to loving someone else.
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