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Pages: Friendship and the Gray Line [1]
Author Topic: Friendship and the Gray Line

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2011-01-30 13-53-08

Friendship and the Gray Line Has anyone ever been told by their SO that they can't have friends of the opposite sex? Or, for that matter - anyone in whom an attraction could come opposite sex, or otherwise (yes, this is the 21st century).. I mean, in theory - they'd never do that, right - you wouldn't be able to catch them telling you that you will have to wall off 50% of the outside world... But have you ever noticed that in practice, that they shut down any friendship in which there could be the possibility of attraction - as a kind of rule? I wonder.. if its harder for people who are bi, as SO just picks off anyone who is of the opposite sex.... Is there a gray line here or is this issue black and white. Please assume absolute horn dog. Thank you
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2011-01-31 15-42-19

While this really belongs in RoFo... I will say I have no tolerance for stupidly jealous behavior. I'm not a cheater, and I have many friends of the opposite sex. If the person I'm with can't handle that, they can go be with someone else. I had a jealous bf once, all it did was teach me to lie. I don't want to go there again.
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2011-02-01 14-25-26

you're probably right its part of a power struggle I think..
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2011-02-01 19-11-57

More dimensions I would also add that if someone in a couple situation finds they maybe crossing the line with someone who is otherwise "just a friend" they should deal with it honestly and openly. Its also an issue that's not limited to the opposite sex if or both of the people in the couple are bi. Throw in poly and things can get very confusing if people aren't honest.
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2011-02-02 10-11-22

I agree with you Goldi. But at the same time I have found that since being married I don't have friendships with other men. And I wouldn't want him to have friendships with out women. We have lots of couples that we hang out with together. And I am definetly friends with the men. But in a group setting only. I would not be hanging out 1 on 1 with the dudes. It's not at all a jealousy thing. Niether hubby or I ever have jealousy issues. It's just a matter of respect and what we consider to be appropriate. :) Morning fo.
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2011-02-02 10-30-49

That makes sense CK And I've found that I hang with my guy friends 1:1 less and less these days as we're all in and out of relationships. Still, I hang with "the guys" reasonably often, partly because i'm a big ol' sports fan and the gals just don't do that much. And morning :)
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2011-02-02 17-58-01

Yeah.... I love to hang out with the guys too. I'v always been more of a guys girl then a girls girl. But I just do that with him. :) Plus it's fun cuase he gets off on watching me get the attention. Wouldn't be as much fun if he wasn't there to watch me wiggle my assests ;)
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2011-02-03 3-57-30-

Sounds like some good foreplay ;) When does football season start again??
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    2011-02-03 22-27-52

    Football? Who knows. We watch hockey here in the great white north. :P
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    2011-02-04 15-24-55

    Is that the game where they chase each other around with sticks and try and beat the shit out of each other?? :)
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    2011-03-02 20-38-44

    Something like that. Go Canucks!! Ohhh it's been an exciting playoffs so far. :)
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    2011-06-29 4-13-23-

    We don't get a lot of hockey coverage down here. And good morning to you! Just to let you know, the image of you being an x year old man, just isn't working!!! LOL :)
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    2011-08-22 6-39-07-

    Is that an unspoken rule? Or something you guys discussed. Could you/he has friends of the opposite sex more easily befor marriage? And how much has married life changed that - Meaning you are probably spending more time together and when you do go out it is probably with couples/people who are also in a strong relationship. So is it marriage or has your relationship always been built like that?
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  • Nadine

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    2011-11-05 10-28-47

    Um... what? How is it disrespectful to have a friend? I had to read that a few times to make sure I got it right. Nope.... I cannot imagine a marriage in which I wouldn't naturally have lunch or coffee or whatever with a man in the same way I would with a woman. Nope... cannot go there. Nor would I have any interest in a man who would have no female friends! I would never, ever, ever marry that man. Of course, the typical kinkfo caveat--"it's what works for me." Every couple gets to make up their own rules!
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  • horacek

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    2011-12-22 5-25-34-

    No no.... It would not be disrespectful to have friends of the opposite sex. But out of respect for eachother, we don't. Well not close x on x type relationships anyway. Keep in mind that we have not sacrificed any relationships because of this. We both still have our friends from before we got together, but we just don't hang out on Besides...there is no I'd rather hang out with anyway. We do all our social stuff together. Well most anyway....
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    2012-09-20 7-36-29-

    It wouldn't be disrespectful, but you don't do it--out of respect? I don't quite follow... Wouldn't be for me. I had friends of both genders before marriage, I'd have friends of both genders after marriage, or I wouldn't marry. But that's just me. Certainly there are whole societies that operate more or less like that.
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    2013-05-22 18-36-35

    Sorry if I am not being clear... it is not a rule. It is just the way we do things. It does not stem from jealousy or control or possessiveness. I would not find it disrespectful if he went out with a female friend. But he wouldn't. We would just invite her over to hang out with us. :)
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    2014-03-05 20-18-10

    and if he said... "honey so and so (female) from HS who I used to very close to contacted me and we're going to grab lunch next week to catch up and reconnect"... what would your reaction be?
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    2015-07-02 17-34-32

    really? but why cut yourselves off from half the world? IMO, relationships where both parties are stunted from forming and maintaining friendships with the oposite sex are the ones most likely to have bouts of infidelity. We all want what we can't have. I am not saying that he is about to cheat on you... but i am curious why a freindship with the oposite sex makes you/him uncomrtable?
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    2015-12-05 19-48-07

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